So. May was exactly that, M.A.Y.H.E.M. In fact, at one point Patrick actually looked like that guy in the Allstate Insurance commercials – the mayhem guy.
Let me rewind and start at the beginning.
Early May – Patrick and I went to H-town for cycle two of phase two. Everything was smooth except that it kinda wasn’t. After the usual appointments, we waited a really long time for a hospital room so he could get started on his chemo. Long enough that when a bed finally opened up on a different floor, not the lymphoma floor, we took it. Mistake. Lesson learned. Hold out for the lymphoma floor if you have lymphoma. Things just roll more smoothly and efficiently when everyone knows the drill. Your drill. The LYMPHOMA drill.
Once the kinks got worked out, it ended up being a smooth week and a faster cycle than the first one. Patrick’s mom flew to Houston to spend time with him and bring him home so that I could leave early and help Olivia with…
Prom!!
In a nutshell, Olivia’s senior prom was everything she hoped it would be. The prep was fun and glamorous, the photos were beautiful and they all had a great time! And Patrick did get home in time to see Olivia and her date off for the evening. That was extra special because we weren’t sure he’d make it back in time to see them off.
The drama came about a week later. I don’t know if I thought we’d skate through chemo unphased or if I just hadn’t thought about it at all. I guess because Patrick has had good results in this clinical trial, and he’s felt fairly healthy most of the time, it just surprised me. You all know I think of Patrick as my superhero. But maybe, just maybe, he’s human after all.
Nope. He’s a superhero. And that’s my final answer.
But yeah, cycle two was a big reminder that this is CHEMOTHERAPY and it is some powerful stuff. And Hyper-CVAD especially, is one of the most intensive treatments. He got through the low white blood cell days okay. And it was a new low, but he bounced back thanks to the Neulasta patch. What a magical little patch that is.
But by the end of the 28-day cycle, we’d been to the ER twice. Once for stitches he needed from falling during a hazy moment one morning. And once because his platelets were so low that the nurse said she was surprised he wasn’t bleeding out of his eyeballs. Um. Ew. Let’s move on and be thankful that did not happen.
You already know how the end of May went. School wrapped up. Isabelle turned 17. Olivia graduated. We had a graduation party for her and her future Arkansas roommate, Claire.
But tragedy struck and it’s really all we’re thinking about right now.
[If you want more on that, you can read my previous post on this blog or friend me on Facebook (Angie Scully Burke) to get details and see photos of the highs and lows of May.]
All four of us are in Houston together this week while Patrick tackles cycle three — this is the same schedule and meds as cycle one. Remember the “Red Devil?” Yes, that again. We know what to expect and we’re hoping for no surprises. Also, this is the girls’ first visit to MD Anderson and they’re taking it all in. [sidenote: We’re home now as you read this, and he’s recovering…slowly. It just took me all week to get this post finished, because that’s just how it goes sometimes. Because life.]
A lot went down in May. Some awesome, fantastic, exciting stuff. Some heartbreaking, earth-shattering, awful stuff.
My friend Karen shared a song with me at just the right moment. And I have in turn shared it during some really meaningful and memorable moments since then. If you don’t know it, you should look it up and listen to the “valleys version.” Beautiful.
The lyrics just got to me. This is what it comes down to and this is what carries me. God is the God of hills and valleys. Hills AND Valleys. All of it. Highs and lows. Every day. Every moment. We are not alone.
________________________
Hills and Valleys
by Chuck Butler, Jonathan Lindley Smith, Tauren Wells
I’ve walked among the shadows
You wiped my tears away
And I’ve felt the pain of heartbreak
And I’ve seen the brighter days
And I’ve prayed prayers to heaven from my lowest place
And I have held Your blessings
God, you give and take away
No matter what I have, your grace is enough
No matter where I am, I’m standing in Your love
On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I’m standing on the mountain, I didn’t get there on my own
When I’m walking through the valley end, I know I am not alone!
You’re God of the hills and valleys
Hills and Valleys
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone
I’ve watched my dreams get broken
In you I hope again
No matter what I know
Know I’m safe inside Your hands
On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I’m standing on the mountain, I didn’t get there on my own
When I’m walking through the valley end, I know I am not alone!
You’re God of the hills and valleys
Hills and Valleys
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone
Father, you give and take away
Every joy and every pain
Through it all you will remain
Over it all
Father, you give and take away
Every joy and every pain
Through it all you will remain
Over it all
On the mountains I will bow my life
In the valley I will lift my eyes
On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I’m standing on the mountain, I didn’t get there on my own
When I’m walking through the valley end, I know I am not alone
No I’m not alone
I know
I am not alone
You’re God of the hills and valleys
Hills and Valleys
God of the hills God of the valleys
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone
ANGIE BURKE 